1. When you wake up, the first thing you grab is... a red ball-point scandalously short kimono and fuzzy slippers a 40-oz. corona and your black stocking cap your cuddly kitty, sneaky jesus the reins on your palamino 2. Your first love was... a skinny, black-haired british diva a ranchhand named Betsie love? i'd rather wrestle I never knew what love was until I read h.d. I never knew what love was until I watched the 3rd season of survivor 3. Of these, you most prefer... Quasi your demo tape/cd p.o.d. o.d.b. clogging for lovers vol. 3 4. Which is most important... javascript haystacks feminine rhyme rock-n-roll rock-n-roll that incites riots, upsets censors, and/or makes you horny 5. You most closely see yourself as... a natural-born female impersonator a web pirate and scourge of the net a lover a fighter the next shirley temple, weird al, and gertrude stein rolled into one 6. You're having a bad day. You're first instinct is to... write a stomping song about it, that sounds like a cross between STP and Pink write a short poem about it, that sounds like a cross between ogden nash and stevie smith crawl into bed with a copy of strangers in paradise cruise girlbar for younger babes in sleeveless t's dive into a haystack with a bottle of whiskey and some porn 7. You prefer to wear your hair... bright red, flipped up at the bottom like those plastic snap-on-dress dolls bright red, in two thick braids deep black, in two thick braids in a grayish-blond bun at the nape of your neck dark brown with rooster feathers sticking off your forehead 8. You're most often seen wearing... white kneesocks, tartan plaid studded dress, and rub-on tattoos white ruffly blouse, black schoolmarm skirt, and brooch 'big johnson' t-shirt and levi's silver tabs dusty wranglers and a stetson hat pudding 9. Your favorite activities include... following horse carriage drivers around the watertower on lunch break shooting beer cans off fences shooting beer cans off boys' heads knitting cozies for stolen electronics ripping off web designers' code 10. Your loved ones would best describe you as... the hot girl in the green chuck taylors geeky, but nice rack happy and contented, as long as you let her use the whip a punk rock princess who only *looks* dangerously underaged nanni